The Center Seat

20,000 Minnesotans crammed themselves into St Paul's Xcel Energy Center last night to witness Barack Obama's declaration of victory (for the primary, at least). Dorcas Hathaway, her partner Psych Clone, Captain Crash, and I were among them.

We waited in an epic line to get in, and then sat for a few hours waiting for the big guy to take the stage. The excitement was palpable. Seriously. I actually palped it for a little while until Dorcas told me to stop.

This morning, my throat hurts from screaming. But I'm so glad I went. I can tell my kids and grandkids, you know?

I know we're a long way from the finish line. And I know it's corny. But I really am feeling hopeful.

Hey, folks! My dear friend Dorcas Hathaway scored advance tickets to Meet Bill, the new Aaron Eckhart/Elizabeth Banks comedy (I'm trying not to be bitter). So today, you have The Center Seat's very first guest critic! I give you.... Dorcas Hathaway.

Aaron Eckhart pulls a very good performance as a middle-aged guy who has a crap job, a cheating wife, and is still living in the shadows of his brother. The ongoing joke about his gut hanging made me laugh every time.

He’s at a groundbreaking ceremony for yet another thing that his rich in-laws have donated, when he first meets The Kid (Logan Lerman). Bill is staring in the bathroom mirror of self-pity when a kid runs into the bathroom to escape the principal (and flush a dime bag). He gets roped into a mentoring program, and ends up with the same kid (or else there wouldn’t be much of a movie). Bill is trying to get out of his current BS job at the in-laws’ family bank and open a SweetSweet doughnut franchise, but his father-in-law basically controls all their assets. Then Bill catches his wife Jess (Elizabeth Banks) cheating on him with the slimy TV news guy Chip (Timothy Olyphant,) so he goes to stay with his rich brother and his brother’s life partner. Then the rest happens, which I won’t spoil.

Reed Diamond (Paul, the brothers partner) reminded me of the hilarious Stephen Guarino in Logo’s "Big Gay Sketch Show". I especially loved when Paul is whining to Sergeant (Craig Bierko) in bed that Bill was loud on a Friday night, “but it’s 10:30.” He sounds exactly like me every Friday night.

Lucy, (Jessica Alba) is a charming and funny sales girl who works at a sexy mall lingerie store. The Kid is trying to get her, though she is obviously ten-plus years older than him.
Jessica Alba is okay at comedy, but really needs to stick to action.

Logan Lerman needs to be in more movies. He is really talented and funny. I loved the glow on his face when he asked to take a vat of chocolate doughnut icing home after he stuck his finger in it. Priceless.

Speaking of price… I tend to be overly sensitive about product placement. When Bill receives a package of SweetSweet doughnuts from DHL, not a crumb out of place, it makes me wonder how much it cost them to put that little box in there. For that matter, how much does Starbucks pay for Mary Louise Parker to hold a Frappucino in every shot of "Weeds"? ...Click here for the rest of this tasty post.

There are a few perks to working at a beloved but slightly impoverished non-profit agency. The pay sucks, but once in a while there comes along a wealthy benefactor to make our lives a little brighter. This time, someone generously donated tickets to Minneapolis' world-class play-house, the Guthrie Theater, to see Robert Bly's adaptation of Peer Gynt. We held a drawing at work, and guess who ended up with a pair of tickets? Whoo hooo!!! I took my friend Dorcas Hathaway as my date--she's a great co-worker; a loyal, encouraging friend; my neighbor; and my favelezz*. So of course she got to go.

I got all dressed up (not something I do often) and put on these sexy strappy shoes (not at all appropriate in a Minnesota winter). When we arrived, it was just lovely... the theater was so cool and arty. I felt extremely fly.

"Why is it that I almost never go to the theater?" I wondered aloud. Minneapolis (and St Paul) really does have the most fabulous theater scene. I suppose it has something to do with the ticket prices (if ours hadn't been free, they'd have been about $54 apiece), and also the fact that I spend so much all of my discretionary income at movie theaters, leaving barely enough for mac & cheese. After about thirty minutes of Peer Gynt, however, I started to think of a few more reasons.

Peer Gynt is a classic, confusing Norwegian fairy tale/morality play, which had been translated and adapted by Robert Bly, Minnesota's most distinguished poet (if you don't count Bob Dylan). OK, so the poetry was great. There were some funny bits. But........

People, it was weird. Weird, and difficult to follow.

And you remember those sexy, strappy shoes? Well, they turned out to be evil, soul-sucking shoes. It's really hard to sit and enjoy understand an avant-garde Norwegian play when there are tiny straps of leather cutting through your skin.

And then it was intermission. So we got to go out to the lobby and walk down the Guthrie's famous Eternity Bridge that hangs in midair over the banks of the Mississippi River (this is where savvy Minneapolitans went to survey the wreckage after the 35W bridge collapse). The view was breathtaking... It was so lovely... Dorcas lasted 28 seconds outside. I think she's got a heights thing.


I sat down for the second act, armed with my favorite Vitamin Water (XXX, the free radical fighter!), and made it through without sleeping. But by the time I got home, my right pinky toe was the size and heft of a wrecking ball.
What I learned:

1. The Guthrie is lovely. I will be happy to take free tickets off anyone's hands, anytime in the future.
   
2. I'm never wearing those shoes again. Yes, I looked hot initially, but that only lasted until I started hobbling around like one of Peer Gynt's trolls.
   
3. My city kicks ass. I don't take nearly enough advantage of this.
4. I do enjoy the occasional trip to the theater, but I am still solidly a movie girl.

Tonight I'm heading for the Riverview.... in fuzzy socks and comfy shoes.

*Favorite lesbian. She really is... but the story of how we coined the term is just too long.


...Click here for the rest of this tasty post.